Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Three Feet from Doom

This play was performed on June 5, 2009 in England as part of the Gone in 60 Seconds International Play Festival; there is a link to the performance on that site. Go to timestamp 1:01 (one hour, one minute).

Three Feet from Doom
by Laura E. Goodin
© 2009

CHARACTERS
CURTIS a man
GERALDINE a woman


(Enter CURTIS and GERALDINE. She is carrying a computer bag.)

CURTIS
That went well.

GERALDINE
I'm still nervous. You saw the way he looked at me.

CURTIS
Who, Stone?

GERALDINE
Gives me the shivers. Eyes like outer space.

CURTIS
I don't care what they say in the lunchroom. His being an alien is just a theory.

GERALDINE
So I guess it's normal for him to have three feet.

CURTIS
Oh, he does not. Where's the third one?

GERALDINE
Take a look at his left shoe sometime. It's all lumpy.

CURTIS
I'm going back in there and flat-out ask him.

GERALDINE
Go ahead. You'll see it's not a theory when he kidnaps you to keep you quiet and you're staring at Earth from somewhere around Orion's butt.

CURTIS
Don't you mean Orion's belt?

GERALDINE
Not where you're concerned.

CURTIS
You really think he's an alien. And he has many powers, and three feet.

GERALDINE
Well, I'm not sure about the powers. But he is planning interstellar domination!

CURTIS
Starting at the Australian Tax Office.

GERALDINE
Where better?

(Sudden sounds of ray-gun fire.)

Oh, God, I thought I had weeks yet!

(Pulls from her bag the most spectacular ray gun the props department can cobble together. Runs offstage, shouting.)

Stone! Stone, you bastard! Earth will never surrender!

(Pause.)

CURTIS
(Looks around furtively. Pulls a walkie-talkie or sufficiently weird-looking phone from a pocket.)

Yeah, she's gone, finally. Got distracted. Some wannabe named Stone, trying to launch his own pissy little invasion. The universe is full of amateurs. So are we ready to activate? Yeah, good, my feet are all killing me.

(Striking a pose.)

Let the invasion begin!

CURTAIN






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